YES, STILL HURTS

This is dedicated to people who live with chronic pain, because as in many other issues, many people don’t understand, even if we have many around who mean well. Especially right now in is what it has been called an OPIOIDS epidemic, we are treated many times as criminals, without understanding pain and without giving us other options. I see you, you are not invisible. #YOUMATTER

YES, STILL HURTS 1 Oxycontin A pair of Norco’s and many ay, ay, ay, ay AY.

Walking over needles running over flames unable to breathe as if someone grabbing a plastic bag over my head, holding me back, AH, AH, AH! This is the way someone with pain lives every day, ’cause chronic pain means EACH ONE OF THE MOVIE FRAMES.

Rattle the bottle learning by sound which pill to take and which one order in advance, ’cause that’s the way the system works, a very small window FOR “YOUR OWN GOOD” and control. Another OXI, Lorazepam, It’s not that I’m a fan, but believe me, I keep trying everything possible to survive.

Chemo saved me from Cancer, but no doubt screw me up, do you know what it is to be sleeping every night in a bed made of nails that shoot from my feet into my eyes? some kind of weird crucifixion asking always why, oh why?

ANOTHER OXYCONTIN ANOTHER PAIR OF NORCO’s and a constant AY, AY, AY, AY. I know that is stupid to think what have I done? to live in constant pain in my body and in my soul.

If I dream, but I’m awake, the clock keeps ticking constantly afraid, anxiety tiding me up, and NOT IN a GOOD WAY. I keep walking, and walking, and walking and walking, at a tune of a crazy maniac song, while the real me is laying down as if I was no longer alive inside the forever box, six feet under, six feet tall, STOP my nerves and my muscles for keep walking ON and ON;

I smile, I stand tall, proud of who I am, looking fine I know. But here and there a few can read the secret story behind my lips.

Because the invisible heavy monster always hanging over my shoulders KNOWS, that when I close the door of my bedroom I will allow him express himself through ME. I CRY, I SCREAM, I HIT MY LEGS as trying to scare him away…. BUT….. By now….. I forgot what it is to live without pain, vaguely remember the heaven that was a normal life.

So, forgive me, I know you mean well, but don’t ask me again ARE YOU HURTING RIGHT NOW? IT NEVER GOES AWAY, NEVER! But you know something? next time, if you still see me around, I will be smiling and singing and dancing THROUGH MY “NORMAL” SIMPLE LIVING. Jesus Guillen September 3rd, 2020 COVID19 Times

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